I realize this topic has nothing to do with travel, or a unique place, or person, But you might think of if it the next time you meet someone you really enjoyed, or on the other hand really disliked. In both cases they could be unique people in interesting places. This is also a topic that I think about on a daily basis every day since I started working at the bank, and periodically through my 10 year career at Sundance. So I thought I could finally put it to rest by writing about it.
Back in 1980 something, I remember hearing a catchy phrase. “The Customer is always right”(pookie shutters) Bleh!!!!!!!!!!! This silly saying could be the single worst thing to happen to retail, and service employees around the world, ever!!!!!!!!! That’s right I said ever. I would love to know the company who started this trend; I bet they are not in business anymore. To strictly adhere to this ridiculous customer service policy, a company would have to, break laws, completely alter the business practices that made them a viable business in the first place (and not just once in a while, for every individual customer). Companies would have to change how they advertise, how they train new employees, how they do their schedule, owners of small businesses’ would have to be at work every single hour they were open, and that is what we are starting to see now. The customer is NOT, always right, in fact the customer is almost always wrong, and because they are always wrong we have “experts” or at least people with considerably more knowledge of a , person, product, field, to educate the potential customer. What this stupid phrase has done is given the customer the false assumption that they are experts on everything. Combine that with access to the internet (where everyone is an expert on everything) we have stores full of experts with various levels of knowledge, shopping, eating, and banking. Some of them come armed with some correct information, and some come armed with none. All of them think they know more then you! The actual expert, and none of them have anywhere close to the whole story. What I see every day is an evolved shoppers, angry, irritable, sad, unsatisfied, and shut down. Why? Because it is impossible to fulfill that sort of expectation………. Perfection! When a potential or returning customer walks through the doors of a business expecting to get whatever they demand, more often than not that customer will leave severely disappointed. This is the fault of both the business, and the customer. The business for making a promise it can’t keep, and the customer for being ……… well a shitty customer. I’ve said for a while now “If you want great customer service, start by being a great customer”.
Let’s examine the different type of customers that retail and service workers encounter on a daily basis.
The someone else screwed up big time but I’m gonna take it out on you because you are here and I think my existence is more important than yours customer. Look there is nothing wrong with being upset that someone screwed up and it affected you in a big way, or even just an inconvenient way. In fact that is our right as consumers. The problem lies in taking it out on the first employee you see, just so you can yell at someone, and feel a bit of self-gratification…………………… Do you feel better about yourself? Do you?......... Do you really? We have all been in a situation where someone has royally fucked up our situation, and we are so angry at the person on the phone, or the person who just so happened to be off the day we come in to seek vengeance. So we swear to avenge our wrong doing on the company, any employee that crosses our path, and the entire FUCKING WORLD!!!!!! The bottom line, the employee you are verbally bashing most likely didn’t have anything to do with the original mix up, and what makes it worse is you already know that, but you insist on acting like an asshole anyway. Sadly these poor folks still only have your best interest in mind, and they generally want to resolve your issue, but you are making it impossible by screaming at them making it virtually impossible to get a clear picture of what is wrong. When someone is trying to fix an issue for you, in order for them to give you the best possible solution they first have to understand what the last person did, to mess it up. I promise you that you are making matters much worse for yourself by being a scumbag. Saying “the customer is always right” in this case has set an unrealistic expectation that the customer will have the issue fixed, reversed, and every employee down on their knees begging him/her too give them another chance. Relax you aren’t that important! All you’ve done is made an ass out of yourself and given the employees something to laugh about for the next week or so. In this case you are right to be upset, but completely 100% wrong on how to get it fixed. Unfortunately you have to rely on the company that originally fucked it up in the first place. I mean you can take your business elsewhere, but you will find that the exact same thing can happen there. The way to be a good customer in this situation is too express that you are upset that the situation has happened, and you would like to meet with someone to discuss all the available options to resolve the error in a reasonable amount of time. Not that day. I had a gentleman (and I use that term very loosely) come in fuming, blaming us for depositing a check into the wrong account. Turns out it was a new person in a different branch. Long story short he wanted it in the right account that second. The reason this is impossible is 1. The check needed a day to clear. 2. Since the check hadn’t cleared there was no money to actually transfer, and what the customer was failing to realize is even if the check went to the right account it wouldn’t have been there until the next day anyway . So the solution was just waiting until the next day and transferring the money into the right account. We explained this could be done first thing in the morning through the smart phone app or online banking………. Well he let it be known that he doesn’t trust online banking, and he wanted to do it his way, and if it would have been done right in the first place than it wouldn’t have been an issue. Correct, but it did happen and it was an accident! Get over it! Whatever!!!! It leads me into my next group of terrible customers.
The I am set in my ways no matter what, and even if it makes my life a hundred times easier I will refuse to change anything about my life or any way I do things even though it is to the complete detriment of myself, and you are a complete idiot for even suggesting something that would benefit me customer. (sigh)……….. I think the best way to go about outing these geniuses is to just list the problem the simple solution and then the reason they don’t want to do it.
Problem: “I’ve been waiting in line too long and all I have to do is a deposit”. “You can make simple deposits right at our ATM and the money is available the same as if you did the transaction at the bank itself. Do you want me to show you how in case there is a long line next time?” “No I don’t trust the ATM machine!” “Then wait in line I don’t care”
Problem: “You don’t have enough choices and you don’t have my size”! “If you go to our website you will have many more choices in both style and sizes, and if you order something and it doesn’t fit you, you can always send it back free of charge, oh and you don’t pay anything for shipping”. “I don’t buy anything online! It isn’t safe”! “I assure you buying directly from our website is very safe. Furthermore if you use your credit card you are protected from fraud directly through them”. “No I like doing it this way”! “Then these are your choices. I don’t care”.
Problem:” I don’t want to give you my social security number! Look me up a different way”! “Unfortunately John Smith is a very common name, it would take me an hour to find you that way. If you get a debit card you can swipe it and it will pull you right up”. “I don’t use debit cards”! “Sir no matter how I look you up I will be able to see your social security number, this is the fucking bank we keep that information on file! So why don’t you just make it easy on yourself and just give it to me!........ Or don’t I don’t care”.
Problem: “I don’t want to sit through the presentation to get my free cruise; I just want it right now”! It doesn’t work that way, you agreed to sit through the presentation, and in return for your time you get the cruise.” “That’s bullshit”! “Sir if you don’t want to sit through presentations to get free stuff, then stop signing up to win free shit, and pay for your own cruise!..... Either way…….. you guessed it! I DON’T CARE!
Problem: “I don’t like the interest rate I’m getting”! “Well you have all your money in money markets and cd’s, Why don’t you talk to a financial adviser, I’m sure there is something out there that can offer you a better rate”? “I don’t want to risk the principal”! “There are investment products out there that guarantee your principal. It doesn’t hurt to talk to someone and find out what is out there”. “Nah, I’m good”. “Great!....................because…………. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Notice something in common with these people? Yeah they are all huge babies and shouldn’t be allowed in public! That is really all I can say about them. No matter how much logic you throw at them they will fight you tooth and nail because they refuse to listen to reason. These people will and should burn in hell.
Let’s go to the service industry for a second. Bartenders and servers deal with the rudest, most ignorant human beings on the planet several times a day. The worst part is they depend on these horrible human beings to make a living!
The I’m such an ignorant asshole that I will look for any reason to not tip a server, or bartender. I also run them ragged the whole time I’m eating dinner, and on top of that I probably enjoy beating my wife customer. If you are this person, you are the worst human being on earth. I am constantly on the lookout for these people, and if I find one I don’t hesitate to educate them on what a piece of shit they are. One time I was sitting at the bar on a Saturday night (yes the one I have been going to for 10 years, keeping them in business) and these two guys come in, and it is super busy. The bartender asks “what can I get you guys”? Of course they have no idea what they want. After several minutes dicking around, they finally decided on a couple of frozen drinks. (Rolling my eyes). Look I like the frozen drinks as much as any chick, or Nathan Lane, but make them at home, or at a party, or on vacation! After burdening the bartenders with their frozen concoctions they paid for TWO drinks with a credit card. I was curious, even though I already knew the answer, and sure enough when I looked at the receipt they left the tip line empty. Well-being what I consider friends with the bartenders, having worked in the restaurant industry myself, and just having a basic level of respect for the hard work these people do, this was not acceptable. I looked down at the receipt to see that the total for the two drinks was $10. So I wrote in the tip line $10, total $20. I mean no one really got hurt! The bartenders got a well-deserved tip, the assholes that stiffed them came off looking like heroes, and I…………… well I was neither Hero nor villain, I was exactly what Gothem needed. Moral of the story? Don’t stiff servers and bartenders, there very well could be a guardian Pookie around looking out for them, and then you end up tipping 100%.
There are several ridiculous reasons people use as reasons not to tip.
- “My food took too long”! How many restaurants have you been too where the servers also cook your meal? If you used this excuse, you are an asshole!
- “They chose a job that only pays $2.83 an hour. I shouldn’t have to tip them because of their bad choice”! Fuck you! If you can afford to live like a king or queen for a night and have hardworking men and women wait on you hand and foot doing everything for you other than physically feeding you……….. Then tip asshole! You could also move to another country. In some countries servers are paid handsomely and customers aren’t expected to tip, you are also going to pay a much higher price for food on average. You Pick! If you used this excuse, you are an asshole.
- “I don’t believe in tipping”. Nice try! Playing the religion card. Everybody already hates you, now they all want to kick you in the dick as well! If you used this excuse, then you are a super mega asshole!
- “The bartender wasn’t very friendly”! Shut up! The bartender has 80 people to worry about, you’re not gonna tip them because you’re a pathetic loser? C’mon, you are an asshole!
- “5% is plenty”! Stay at home! You don’t deserve to enjoy a nice dinner out! Keep your 5%, you obviously need it more than that lowly server. You are…. whatever is worse than an asshole!
- “The service was too slow” Do you say that to your wife on Thanksgiving when she is cooking and serving 28 people? No? You chose to go out for dinner on Friday or Saturday. Deal with it! News flash it is going to be busier, give the guys and girls a break they are doing their best, and they can only go as fast as the kitchen puts out food. They only have two arms and legs. Have you ever tried to wait on 2 toddlers? Try 20! That’s what it’s like. If you used this excuse you are an asshole!
Tipping in the service industry is expected, period! If you don’t believe in tipping, then do it your god damned self! I generally tip 20% on a normal food bill, I will tip 50% is my tab is $10 or less usually, but never less the 20%. Bad service you say? You really have to go out of your way to be rude to me in order for me to consider tipping less than 20%. Again, the “bad service is rarely the fault of the server and bartenders. I also tip on takeout orders. Yeah that’s right, and you should too! Who bags up the food? Who checks to make sure the order is correct? It doesn’t check itself! Not 20% but $2 dollars is fair, a little something to thank them for making sure that the food you didn’t cook is correct and you don’t have to drive all the way back.
I am a true believer in Companies taking care of the people that make them a business. It’s pretty rare to see an owner of a restaurant on the floor serving full time. The employees make your business successful, and you as the owner should do everything you can to make sure they feel appreciated, secure, and they should know in a position where their pay can vary significantly, that the business they work hard for is doing everything they can to make it as stable as possible. Put out good food, create a great atmosphere, and a mandatory 18% gratuity on all tables. Currently most restaurants only charge 18% gratuity on large parties. Most of a servers tables throughout the night are not parties of 6 or more. Charging 18% is completely fair, and it’s the right thing to do! If you experience great service you can leave more, and if your patron’s complain about it, you don’t want their business anyway. One of the best things I’ve ever seen! A restaurant owner I know had a server that got stiffed on a $300+ bill. It was a table she worked on all night, and to make it worse these ignorant mongloids sat for another hour after they paid and didn’t tip. This manager calmly went over to the table and this is how the conversation went.
Manager: “How was everything tonight folks”?
Rotten Human being #1: “Everything was delicious thank you”.
Manager: “I’m so glad to hear that, and how was your server tonight”?
Rotten human beings #1,3,5,6: “She was great”!!!!!!!!!!
Manager: “Oh I’m surprised, because usually when our customers receive outstanding service, as you folks clearly did, they leave a reasonable tip! There must have been something you didn’t like”?
Rotten human being #2: “No everything was great we just don’t like to tip, but come to think about it we don’t appreciate you begging for free handouts. We spent a lot of money here tonight”!
Manager: “Well you are gonna love this then. You don’t have to worry about me begging for a free hand out anymore. I’m very glad you had a great experience here tonight, and I will gladly cover the tip that your server deserves, but I will ask you to never come back here again. We value the hard work our employees put forth to make this a great restaurant for people like you to enjoy. However if you are not grateful enough to do the right thing, then we don’t need your business. Thank you”!
Rotten human being #1: “We will never come back here again, and we will tell everyone we know about how horrible you are”!
Manager: “With all due respect sir. You won’t be back here because we will refuse to serve you, and please do tell everyone you know about us! Make sure you tell them you had great food and even better service, and tell them that you tipped $0 dollars on a $300+ bill. Let’s see who they side with. Have a nice night”.
This is how all restaurants should treat these kind of people. They will either adapt, or stop going out to eat. Every company should make sure their employees know that the company they work for has their back when it comes to horrible customers.
My favorite type of horrible customer?
The I am going to complain about absolutely everything even if nothing is wrong just so i can get something for free customer. When i was at the restaurant I had a regular couple that came in every Sunday around 4:00pm. They ordered a variety of different things on the menu,their favorite? The Cajun Rib Eye. Although they would complain about everything they ordered, they had the steak scam down pat! They would order their steaks medium rare. One of them would always complain that their steak was too pink. So we would bring them a steak cooked medium well, You guessed it too dry!!! The typical song and dance occurred after that. Manager comes out and apologizes up and down for everything, begged them to give us another chance, blah,blah,blah. What benefit is there to the restaurant kissing these peoples asses? They obviously love the food, they just don't want to pay for it, but because the world is obsessed with customer service and jobs depend on it, these horrible customers get what ever they want. Think about it JOBS DEPEND ON IT! If i would have told those people to fuck off I would have surely been fired, if my manager wouldn't have kissed the asshole that was gonna get a nice big free shit pushed out of it later on, there is always the possibility that those people call her direct supervisor and she ends up losing her job.
The lengths that companies will go too, to "improve" customer service is ridiculous. After every single purchase, or visit we get a phone call asking us to complete a survey or an email. Companies pay other companies tens of thousands of dollars to create and conduct these surveys on their behalf. These surveys are designed for the employees, the stores, the branches, and the managers to fail, so that people who have never been on the front lines of the same company they are paid way more money than us too be in charge of, can give us something to work on. I just bought a car recently, and had a great experience from beginning to end. So the guy i bought it from was going too get a all 10's anyway, but there is so much pressure to perform well on these surveys that he felt the to tell me that if i give him anything other then 10's he automatically fails. I already know this of course, working at the bank we had a similar grading process. The point is when did we become a society where a 9 isn't fucking good enough? I mean I have no problem with striving to be better, but heaven forbid you fall a little short a 9 is pretty damn good! I would date a 9, buy a video game that got 9/10, eat food that was rated 9/10, see a movie that 9 out of 10 critics said was great......... I think you get the point! 9 isn't perfect but it's pretty damn good! This focus on "the customer is always right" also makes for a miserable work environment, constantly looking over your shoulder because there was a customer that you know is a miserable piece of shit and wants everyone else to be a miserable piece of shit, even if it's the person that has helped them tremendously. Companies can save themselves a lot of money by conducting a very easy survey on their own with just a few simple questions. "Did you have a great experience today? Yes or no?" "What can we do better for your next visit?" People picking numbers doesn't give you an idea of what is working and what isn't. Plus nobody wants to fill out a survey if it's too long! A couple simple questions that force the customer to write out an answer will give much more insight on how their experience was from beginning to end.
Do me a favor, remember what the phrase "the customer is always right" was supposed to mean. It should have read " we will be happy to go out of our way to do anything we can to fullfill your request",and until it changes unless you truly had a horrible experience with an employee, Just give them all 10's
Coming up "Pookie in Paradise" will be at the "Brinton Lodge in November, and "K9 Partners for Life"
As always feel free to comment and share. I'm really curious to hear some views from people that are in the customer service field, and of course join me in paradise!
